Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
