im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
