I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
