i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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