I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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