Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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