need another drink. this is the easiest way
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
