So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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