so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
