Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
