So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
