How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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