VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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