I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
