I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
