if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
