So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
