No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
