no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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