All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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