Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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