I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
