My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
