All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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