i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
