my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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