I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
