Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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