You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
barbara walters just said penis...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
