woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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