Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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She swung at the pinata with crutches
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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