So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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