My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
