Got a toothbrush?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My feet surprised me
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