i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize