He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
