woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
