I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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