so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
