This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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