dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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