I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
