My brain says no but my pants say off.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
