dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
