Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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