I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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