I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
