Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Is it penis luge time yet?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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