Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
