I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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