it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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