you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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