she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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