none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
