Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
