Sponge bath it is.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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