I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
