The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
