I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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