dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
