Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
