the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
