I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
