i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
