I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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