help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
